A little background is needed for this first story:
Before I became a parent I swore I would never use silly names for the human anatomy when speaking to my children. I am a nurse after all and not afraid of or grossed out by what is only natural. I thought it was pretty ridiculous that Steve's family called their male part their "thingy". (I still think it is!) Anyway, somehow after Zack came along I started to call his "thingy" a peen. What can I say? I am a lazy talker and I like to shorten words. Penis just takes too long to say so I cut of the "is". (No pun intended, I know men don't like the words "cut off" in the same sentence with their manhood.) So that is what Zack and I call it, Steve is NOT happy about the nickname. (On to the story.)
My sister Ally has been helping me out with Zack when I need a sitter. One day she had him and they went to the park by her house. Zack got on the swing and Ally started pushing him. As he got higher, he said: "It scares my peen to go high on the swing! I want to go high, but my peen doesn't!"
Zack: Hey dad, I have an idea of what to do after my jobs are done!
S: Oh yeah? What?
Zack: I'll build some Legos while I listen to my headphones of some soothing music.
Zack LOVES to say (about pretty much everything): "This is ridic-lious" or "This is ridonk-lious".
Me: (Reading a party invitation to Zack) Oh, wow! Dresden is going to have pizza, cake and ice cream at his party!
Z: (sounding concerned, with a scared look on his face) That's a lot of calories :(
Zack had a root beer float one Sunday night at his grandparents house. When we got home it was bed time and Zack was BOUNCING off the walls.
Me: You need to calm down! Think calm thoughts!
Z: (Sitting cross legged, eyes closed, touching one finger to thumb on each hand and humming) Commmmm, commmmm, commmmm.
Anyone who has ever had a male dog will know what I am talking about on this one. Zack and I were hangin' with Simpson one day when Zack noticed Simpson's "peen" come out. Zack started laughing hysterically and screeched: "Look! Simpson has an ant-eater!"
My mom picked Zack up from school the other day and they were going to go get lunch with his uncle Jeff. He insisted that they go to "BK" (Burger King, which we have eaten at once?). So, being the nice grandma that she is, BK it was. On the way Zack kept saying: "My ink stinks, tell me I'm hungry." Grandma could not figure out what he was saying. Finally Jeff said "Oh, your instincts tell you you're hungry?" Yep, that was it.
For some strange reason, the Easter Bunny not only fills a basket for Zack at our house, but fills a basket for him at Grandma's Rodgers' house too. This year Zack got a little stuffed bunny along with his candy at grandma's. While we were out running errands one day, Zack left his bunny somewhere (or so he thought). Later in the day at home he realized it was missing and became really upset. Usually I let him suffer the consequence of these things and I just give him lots of sympathy. This time he was so upset I told him he could use his money and we could go buy a new one at a store I knew that had them. He was not appeased and crying said: "Mom, even if I get a new one, I will still care about the old one!" We found the bunny later behind some furniture. Whew! the drama!
Zack gettin' his Tiger on! (Photo by Lindsey Christensen)
Somethings Things Don't Come Out Right
5 years ago