Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Ethics in Adoption

One thing I have learned in researching adoption for the past 3 years is that there are a lot of ethical concerns in adoption. At least for me there are. I guess that is one of the reasons it has taken us so long to adopt. We probably could have had a baby 3 years ago if I didn't research everything so much and question everything so much and worry about the rightness or the wrongness of everything so much. But at what cost? I can only guess, but I am so glad that I took time to learn about the "issues" and then make an educated decision. (None of this is to say that I am by any means an expert on the topic. I still have so much to learn.) I really feel like we are going into this with our eyes wide open and with a willingness to learn all that we need to so we can be good adoptive parents.

There are a lot of things that go on in adoption that Steve and I are just not comfortable with. We spent a lot of time talking and deciding what we would be OK with or not. The following are some ethical concerns I have read about and my feelings about them. (PLEASE do not be offended if you have adopted or are planning on adopting and any of these things are a part of your adoption story, I am NOT judging you if this is the case. We all have to do what we feel best about and that is different for everyone. Also, some things that we don't feel comfortable with right now, could later change if we developed more knowledge or experience on that subject. You just never know.)

1. Open adoption
2. Race based adoption fees
3. Utah adoption laws
4. International adoption
5. Trans-racial adoption

I will break these issues down into separate posts, starting tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

An excellent Post on China Adoption

If you have ever wondered about China adoption and the issues in China that cause children to be abandoned, this is an excellent blog post.

The person who wrote the post was at a conference where a talk was given on the subject and she recounts what she remembers about the talk. The person who gave the talk is Amy Eldridge who works to help "orphans" in China. She comments at the end of the article and adds some more information which is really good, so scroll down to see the comments if you are interested.

Monday, November 15, 2010

10 Common Misconceptions about Adoption

This is a really good article written on 10 common misconceptions about adoption.

I wasn't sure if I could post the entire article or not so I just copied the link. I like the whole article except the last part rubbed me wrong. Here are the misconceptions, you can read what she wrote if you go to the article. My comments are in parenthesis below.

1. Birth mothers are all teenagers. (We were surprised to learn that the average age of birth mothers who place through LDS Family Services is 25 years old.)

2. Open adoption is confusing to kids. (I have done a lot of reading on this and I wholeheartedly agree that open adoption is best for everyone involved. I am really sad that our baby from China will not have ANY info on her birth family.)

3. They hate girls in China. (The issue of abandonment of babies in China is a very complex one, I will post more on this later.)

4. Black babies are the latest trend among celebrities.

5. Adoptive parents are saintly for adopting.

6. Adopted kids are lucky. (I have heard people say that adopted kids should be more grateful to their parents, etc. It makes me so mad! Have you ever met a kid who is grateful for their parents? At least not until they have kids of their own!)

7. Adoption costs a lot of money and only rich people can afford it.

8. There is a high level of risk that once adopted, a child will be given back to/taken back by biological family members.

9. Birth mothers are saintly for placing their children in adoption. OR Birth mothers are demons for getting pregnant unintentionally/being “unfit”/not loving their children enough to raise them.

10. Adoption is the opposite of abortion. As long as we have one, we don’t need the other. (Well, I'll just say that I don't agree with abortion except in extreme circumstances and then it is a very personal decision that I would not judge.)